Somewhere deep down, Lollipop Chainsaw comes from the same place as Buffy the Vampire Slayer. But Buffy came from distilled camp sauced in kitsch, while Lollipop Chainsaw throws grindhouse-style violence with a barely-legal porn sensibility through a filter that's half cheery Japanese manga, half gory graphic novel.
In the opening cinematic, before I'd even gotten to the "Game Start" screen, Juliet had flashed panties, (almost) explicitly offered sex, mentioned her vagina, her love of cheerleading, and her now-18th birthday, and shoved a lollipop in her mouth. If someone catches me watching Buffy, I feel the shame of a middle-aged man watching teenage vampire hunters. But Lollipop Chainsaw is beyond embarrassment. I can't even get away with claiming "Uh... I'm reviewing this." Still, this is a game from Grasshopper Manufacture's Goichi Suda (the guy responsible for the unbelievably good, and mindbending, Killer 7), so I resolved to keep an open mind. I still doubted – Lollipop Chainsaw was developed in conjunction with James Gunn, the guy behind Slither, so I was worried it was exactly what it appeared to be.
]]>
Platforms: Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3
Reviewed on PlayStation 3
Eddie Riggs is the ultimate roadie. On a night like any other, when Riggs was saving a show while remaining in the shadows and behind the scenes, an injury caused his blood to trickle into his belt buckle. But Riggs is no ordinary roadie. He's the best roadie who ever lived. His belt buckle, too, is no ordinary buckle. Fueled by blood, it transports Riggs to an ancient age when man is oppressed by demons, heavy metal is the source of all power and a revolution is about to begin...
Platforms: Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3
Reviewed on Xbox 360
Oh, yes. Dark Souls has a plot – something about the world filling with hollow men, undead who are imprisoned until the end of time, and a single hollow one who will fulfill a prophecy. Mostly it's about death. Your death. Over and over. Dark Souls prides itself on being the most difficult game in stores.
Platform: Xbox 360, PC
Reviewed on Xbox 360
BioShock paints the portrait of an underwater utopia – a city beneath the waves, constructed by a Russian industrialist in 1946 to serve as a haven for other brilliant industrialists, as well as artists and scientists. The city of Rapture, accessible only through bathyspheres anchored in a remote tower in the middle of the North Atlantic, was designed as a place where the free market could flourish and all its brilliant inhabitants could live in decadent harmony. Certainly, there were perils: leaks of cold seawater could be deadly, oxygen was a precious commodity and the entire community needed to be kept secret from the world above. But for a time, Rapture prospered.
Rapture prospered so well that its residents uncovered marvels of science unparalleled in the surface world. With a firm grasp of genetics, Rapture's fisheries were precious, not as much as a source of food, but because of the treasure trove of genotypes represented by the undersea web. With one fortuitous discovery, the people of Rapture uncovered mysteries of genetics that could allow people to be reformed. The crippled were healed. Race and gender became irrelevant because they could be changed. Unique powers were unlocked, coded genetically and inserted into the human genome.
But playing fast and loose with deoxyribonucleic acid isn't without risk. As the residents of Rapture learned, such changes can cause physical and mental instability. So when the player's plane crashes from the sky, it's perhaps calamitous that the wreck landed near the entrance to Rapture. The city is now something more dystopian than its original design. You're thrown into a genetic civil war that has devastated Rapture – and that will also test the mettle of your personality.
Platforms: Xbox 360, PlayStation 3 and PC
Reviewed on Xbox 360
"The Empire of Tamriel is on the edge. The High King of Skyrim has been murdered.
"Alliances form as claims to the throne are made. In the midst of this conflict, a far more dangerous, ancient evil is awakened. Dragons, long lost to the passages of the Elder Scrolls, have returned to Tamriel.
"The future of Skyrim, even the Empire itself, hangs in the balance as they wait for the prophesized Dragonborn to come; a hero born with the power of The Voice, and the only one who can stand amongst the dragons."
Official Site: digital-eel.com/organism/
Platform: PC
Reviewed on PC
System Requirements: Pentium II 350 MHz, 64 MB RAM, OpenGL 1.1 compatible video card
Dr. Blob is rumored to be indulging his odd affection for giant protozoans, and is brewing up giant, vicious variants of the normally tiny creatures in his mystery kitchen.
Platform: DS
Reviewed on DS
Surgeon Derek Stiles just completed his residency and started his new posting as a surgeon with Hope Hospital. Derek must face the challenges of saving patients from disastrous accidents and afflictions such as cancer, but his tremendous gift for healing soon puts Derek at the vanguard of a force battling bioterrorism.
Platform: Xbox, PlayStation 2
Reviewed on Xbox
"Spanx is a crazy weasel once used for electro-shock testing. Redmond is a know-it-all rabbit who failed his last mascara test in the makeup lab." So what if Spanx may have killed and eaten Redmond's mother? They both have a common cause – they need to escape from Genron, a conglomerate that can solve any problem with animal testing. They also have a common bond - a chain that shackles them together. Spanx and Redmond will have to cooperate to reach freedom and avenge animal kind.
Platform: PC
Reviewed on PC
Windows System Requirements: Pentium 600 MHz (2.2 GHz recommended), 128 MB RAM, 32 MB video card, 2.5 GB HD space, CD ROM drive, Windows 98 or more recent operating system
The year is 1943 and war has enveloped the globe. Vast forces are engaging each other in Europe and elsewhere, but both the Allied and Axis sides have a use for a talented, multi-national group of special operatives. Both sides may have larger concerns than just each other. There appears to be a covert, third side that offers allegiance to neither the Germans nor the British. Instead, that new force has access to frightening technology and is working to bring to fruition a frightening operation – Operation Silent Storm.
Platforms: Xbox 360, PlayStation 3, iOS and Android
Reviewed on Xbox 360
Max the Knight is a typical adventurer. He collects absurdly powerful loot, wanders through dungeons and enchanted forests, and quests after a wealthy princess. When he acquires enchanted ability-enhancing items after defeating yet another vicious creature, he even wonders "Do these stats make me look fat?" How does Max pursue the ultimate adventuring kit while pursuing the wealth that only rescuing a princess can grant? With pinball, of course!
Originally posted on February 14, 2012.
]]>