Review: June 2006 Archives

Auto Assault Review

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Publisher: NCsoft
Developer: NetDevil


Platform: PC
Reviewed on PC
Windows System Requirements: 1.6 GHz Processor, 512 MB RAM, DirectX 9.0c, GeForce 4 Ti 4200 or ATI Radeon 8500 video card (or comparable), 10 GB HD space, internet connection

The apocalypse is no longer nigh. It happened nearly one hundred years ago when humanity unleashed its entire arsenal of weapons – nuclear, chemical and biological – in an effort to stop alien invaders. It was an invasion of the most horrifying sort. Extraterrestrial creatures never threatened us or even attempted peaceful contact. Instead, seemingly uncommunicative drones arrived on Earth and began terraforming our planet to suit the needs and environment of an alien species.

The atmosphere soon filled with greenish xenobiological goo and our planet's inhabitants quickly succumbed to alien contaminants and radiation. Plants, animals and insects mutated into new beasts. So did some humans. Human Mutants were feared and shunned – ultimately they were deemed a threat by the "normal" populace. To cope with both the alien invaders and the frightening changes, humanity engineered a vast cybernetic army slaved to an AI (known as Tempernet) and created an army of soldiers augmented with mechanical implants (now known as the Biomeks).

The situation quickly escalated out of control on every front, so humanity's elite moved underground and brought about doomsday. By setting off every weapon available, the human elite (unified by the Hestia corporation) hoped to return to the surface after it was cleared of horrors – both alien and human. A century has passed since Hestia invoked the "Genesis Solution" and pureblood humans have once again ventured from their shelters onto the surface of the planet. But the surface is hardly barren. Powerful enclaves of Mutants remain and armies of Biomeks are busy converting the remnants of humanity that survived, supplanting their failing organic parts with machinery and enlisting them into the Biomek order. Mutants hate their Human oppressors and Humanity's former Biomek servants. Biomeks hate the Humans for abandoning them to Armageddon. Humans fear both debased segments of humanity, as well as the alien agents of change. Somewhere amidst all this, smaller groups have united to survive and carve out their own niche in this fallen world while staying out of the way of the big three warring factions.

Life is rarely safe outside of heavily armed settlements and enclaves, and venturing outside is only advisible in a vehicle. A heavily armed vehicle. Preferably, a convoy of heavily armed vehicles.

Brain Age Review

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Publisher: Nintendo
Developer: Nintendo


Platform: DS
Reviewed on DS

Brain Age proclaims: "Exercise is the key to good health, both for body and mind – and now there's finally a way to make mental exercise simple and fun. Inspired by the work of prominent Japanese neuroscientist Dr. Ryuta Kawashima, this software features activities designed to help stimulate your brain and give it the workout it needs. Using it for just a few minutes each day can make your brain feel fresh and sharp!"

Publisher: Nintendo
Developer: Nintendo


Platform: DS
Reviewed on DS

It should come as no surprise to anyone that Princess Peach has been kidnapped. Again. In fact, it must be a very pleasant season in the Mushroom kingdom when Peach isn't kidnapped by Bowser, King of the Koopas, or one of his minions. This time, Princess Peach was enjoying a pleasant walk with Mario when she saw her castle struck by lightning and suddenly aflame. When Mario went to investigate, Peach was snatched by Baby Bowser. Now, Mario has to brave an assortment of traps, pits and hostile creature to rescue Peach. Again.

Publisher: Ubisoft
Developer: Grin


Platforms: PC, Xbox 360, Xbox and PlayStation 2
Reviewed on PC
Windows System Requirements: Pentium IV 2 GHz, 1 GB RAM, DirectX 9 compatible video card with 128 MB VRAM, 12x CD-ROM, 5 GB HD space, Windows 2000/XP or more recent operating system

Not too far into the future, the US President, Mexican President and Canadian Prime Minister are meeting in Mexico to sign the North American Joint Security Agreement (NAJSA) when civil war breaks out. A faction of the Mexican military has attacked all three leaders and threatened North American peace. Fortunately, the elite Special Forces unit known as the GHOSTs is in the area and has been dispatched to meet up with Secret Service agents and protect all three dignitaries.

Daxter Review

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Publisher: Sony Computer Entertainment America
Developer: Ready at Dawn


Platform: PSP
Reviewed on PSP

What really happened to Daxter between Jak and Daxter: The Precursor Legacy and Jak II, while Jak was enduring years of torture and was infused with Dark Eco? Daxter hunted bugs – armed with a spray gun full of poison and an electric bug swatter. Working for Osmo at the Kridder Ridder Extermination Company in Haven City, Daxter killed a lot of nasty bugs, and uncovered some of the horrifying intrigue festering beneath the surface of Haven City. But mostly... he killed a lot of bugs.

About this Archive

This page is an archive of entries in the Review category from June 2006.

Review: May 2006 is the previous archive.

Review: July 2006 is the next archive.

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